so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
