I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
