After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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