For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
