I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
