Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
