john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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