so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
