I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All I want is dick and wine.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
