Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
