I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
