I skipped work to stalk him.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
