shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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