So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Couch. On fire.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
