he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
