I wanna bring you to show and tell
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
