I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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