Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
