Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
