Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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