If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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