***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
