they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
