Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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