'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
