So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
