whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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