i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
