Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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