So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
