He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
