Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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