Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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