I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize