Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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