You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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