so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
