Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
