So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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