I am puke
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
