At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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