Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
