I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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