WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
