Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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