My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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