She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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