I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
