Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
