You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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