totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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