Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She bit a glass in half.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
