im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The feeling are messing with the penis
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
