Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
