Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
