birth control should be required to get into college
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
