you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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