I CAN MOONWALK!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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