it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize