Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
